Something made Michael Ryan different, but the trouble was that no one including himself could explain what that something was. He had spent his childhood years shifting between one foster home and the next, and no one seemed to have any explanation why. It was not that he was particularly troublesome to his foster parents; on the contrary, he was painfully shy and withdrawn. He had overheard more than one foster parent remark that Michael was so quiet, you would not know he was in the room. However, this did not stop foster family after foster family from discarding him. He would just start to settle in when he would be told to pack his bags; he could almost rattle off the excuses verbatim for a finish. “Sorry Michael it is nothing that you did, I am sure that some family will be delighted to have you in their home. It’s just that something has come up and we can’t have you here at this time.” But he knew that those words were hollow because on more than one occasion he had passed his replacement at the front door. In the end, he did not even bother to unpack when he went to the next foster home, he would keep his meager belongings in the battered suitcase the orphanage had provided.
In between placements, Michael would end up back at the orphanage; the huge rambling limestone building was where he felt most content. Back there he had his room, albeit just a small cell with a narrow cot and a roughhewn tallboy where he kept his books. The nuns that ran the institution never bothered him; his meals were brought to his room, and an ancient old priest came every day for a couple of hours to tutor him. While the other orphans slept in large dormitories and ate in the huge dining hall, Michael led a solitary life and he liked to think that he was a modern-day Edmond Dantes. If the truth was known Michael preferred his own company, because even back then he knew he was different. While the others kicked a ball in the yard, Michael spent time in the big chapel attached to the building.
He would spend hours studying the images in the stained glass windows or reading the bible. There was something of the otherworldly imagery of the chapel, and the religious writings, that appealed to him. It was all mysterious and that was how he felt inside, mysterious. Michael could not put it in words, but he somehow felt outside the world that surrounded him. He once even asked the old priest whether he might become a priest like him, the strange look the priest gave him prevented him from pursuing the topic. Another topic that appeared to make the old priest uncomfortable was when Michael asked him about his real parents. The old priest had immediately grown sullen when Michael broached the subject, and Michael had a feeling that he had somehow offended the priest. Eventually, the old priest resumed the lesson as if he had not heard the question, and Michael was too frightened to repeat it. However, as he was leaving the old priest paused and turned to him. “Michael sometimes it is more important to concentrate on where we are going in life rather than where we came from. Our origins are sometimes better off being left forgotten.” The old priest’s words just served to lay another layer of mystery over who he was.
Michael’s life after the orphanage followed much the same pattern as his childhood years; he drifted from place to place and job to job never feeling he belonged anywhere. His life was divided between meaningless jobs, and aimless wandering. Just like the foster homes of his earlier years, he would find himself losing jobs for no particular reason. “You’re a good worker Michael and we have no problem with your behavior, it’s just that due to unforeseen circumstances we have to let you go.” In the beginning, he would experience anger but in the end, he just learned to accept it, just like he did when he was a child. The one thing that remained a constant in Michael was the yearning to learn where he came from, and who he was. Michael learned that certain jobs were more suited to him, jobs where he had little or no contact with others. So Michael became a nocturnal creature, he worked the graveyard shifts that few others wanted. He also found that for the first time in his life, that he could stay in a job under his terms to some extent. The jobs that always seemed plentiful were night-watchmen, and this became his mode of earning a living.
The beam from the torch reflected from the sheets of driving rain doing little to expel the inky blackness beyond its limited reach, the chances of finding anyone outdoors on such a night were slim. His first instinct was that someone had thrown a bundle of old clothes over the chain-link fence, the clothes lay in a disheveled heap, soaking wet and mud-spattered. It was only as he drew nearer he noticed the hole in the fence, and what looked like a trail from the hole leading to the rags on the ground as if something had crawled or been dragged. Nervous now, Michael turned a full circle aiming his torch into the shadows, but nothing untoward came into sight in the limited range of the beam. Before approaching the rags, he turned the torch beam to the partially completed shell of the building. The pale dry concrete floor reflected the torch beam in all directions, filling the cavernous space with dancing shadows. It was impossible to see whether anyone was hiding in these shadows, but the fact that no wet footprints were visible led him to believe the building was empty. He approached the wet clothes, and as he did so the hairs on the back of his neck rose.
His first instinct was to prod the bundle of wet clothes with his foot, but instead, he bent and pulled back the edge of a threadbare coat. The figure was painfully thin and curled into a fetal position, and his first thought was it was a malnourished child. The long lank hair looked silver in the torchlight, and he thought it must be a girl. Without really knowing what he was doing he took off his glove and felt for a pulse, even though he had never had any training in this kind of thing. The absurdity of what he was doing finally galvanized him into picking the child up; he hardly registered the weight in his arms. Making his way back to the hut, a sudden feeling came over him. Michael had an irrational urge to dump the child back where he found her; a voice screamed in the back of his mind that no good would come of this. The very thought of abandoning a malnourished child to die from exposure to the elements brought a wave of nausea over him, yet unconsciously his hands began to ease their grip on the wet bundle. He hoisted the bundle higher in his arms and tightened his grip once more, and he felt the slight figure squirm in its cocoon of wet clothes.
The closer to the sanctuary of the Hut he came, the heavier the bundle became. The rational part of his mind told him it was because the clothes were getting more rain-sodden, but a different part of his mind pleaded with him to discard the thing he carried. For some reason, the old priest’s words came back to him, the part where he advised Michael to forget his past. As he reached the hut he heard a strange crackling sound and a sweet pungent aroma filled the air, before his mind could make any sense of this, a bolt of lightning the likes of which he had never seen before, split the air. It traveled in a downward slant just missing the security hut, before striking the steel of the scaffolding poles. A shower of sparks erupted like a million small stars and the metal glowed white-hot, and when the light show faded he was left with glowing spots dancing in his vision. A faint rumbling sound grew in intensity until it felt as if the very ground beneath his feet was undulating, but above the sound of the thunder, he heard a high-pitched sound. This high-pitched sound was coming from the thing he carried in his arms, and for one irrational moment, he thought it sounded like laughter. If it was laughter then it belonged in the most secure wards of a psychiatric institution.
The interior of the hut felt like an oven in comparison to the temperature outside, he laid the wet bundle on the bare floorboards in front of the glowing gas heater. It was as if he had suddenly been relieved of a great burden, and he collapsed exhausted into the chair behind the small desk. Outside the storm raged on and appeared to be gaining moment, but in his mind, he wondered whether he would be better off outside, rather than trapped here in the small hut with whatever was wrapped in the wet rags. A strange feeling of trepidation was building inside him, and he tried hard to convince himself that he was being irrational. Steam had begun to rise from the wet clothes surrounding the child, and once again the child began to squirm. Michael told himself that the child needed help, but for some reason, the thought of unwrapping that bundle of old clothes terrified him.
Leaning over the wet bundle he could see now that it was a coat, it was old and covered in brown muck. But he could also see that it was finely crafted and embroidered with gold thread, something about the garment hinted at a bygone era, as if it did not belong in the here and now. With a great mental effort he grasped the edge of the coat and turned it back, the child lay curled with the back of its head facing him. He leaned closer and the odor hit him causing his breath to catch in the back of his throat, it was a strange smell almost sulfurous. Holding his breath he opened the wet coat further, the child’s spine was outlined against the material of a once-white silk dress. But like the coat, it was faded with a yellowish tint and it too looked as if it belonged to times long gone. It did not take a specialist to see the child was suffering from some deformity. Instead of a natural curve, the spine had exaggeratedly curved to the left. He had seen this before when he was at the orphanage. Scoliosis was the term he had heard the nuns refer to the condition. The pitiful sight brought a feeling of guilt over him, to think that he had been afraid to look upon a child such as this. He laid his hand gently on the girl’s shoulder, feeling the bone beneath the thin layer of flesh. “Are you alright little girl?” He asked her softly, and she shifted beneath his hand.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, he felt it, just a split second before the thing moved. That feeling that you are somehow in imminent danger, he turned away preparing to flee. But the speed of the child thing was terrifying, one moment it was lying lifeless in its shroud of wet clothes, and the next it was clinging to his back. Razor-like fingernails clawed at his face searching out his eyes, and needle-like teeth sank into his shoulder. But for the heavy collar of his wet coat, he was sure those teeth would have torn the flesh from the bone, as they sought out his throat. The hut was silent but for his rapid panicky breathing, the thing clawing at him made no sound. He could smell its rancid breath as it continued to gnaw at the material guarding his throat. “Act now or you will die here.” For some reason, the voice in his head did not sound like it belonged to him, and he wondered whether he was having some kind of psychotic episode. The will to survive finally gave him the strength to haul that thing from his back, it flew across the room and he felt a flap of skin tearing on his face as it desperately tried to hold on with its filthy nails.
As quickly as it hit the floor it was back on its feet, for the first time he was face to face with the thing. It had no more resemblance to a child than a piece of coal resembled a diamond. The long lank hair was thin and the ill-formed skull could be seen through it, but it was the features that horrified him most. The face was that of an ancient crone and pure malevolence shone from its dark eyes, the bared teeth were yellowish points and blood ran from its mouth dripping from the pointed chin. He could feel its hatred like heat radiating from a furnace, there was no mistaking the fact that the abomination before him meant to kill him. The thing moved crab-like until it was between him and the only exit from the hut, cutting off any chance of escaping. Michael glanced furtively about him in search of something to defend himself, seeing his rising panic the creature cackled softly. “It is futile Michael; it was always just a matter of time before we found you. Your whore mother reneged on her sworn commitment, but I am here to put things right.” Her voice had the quality of fingernails being drawn across a blackboard, and it chilled him to the marrow.
Michael glimpsed to his left trying to determine whether the small window was an option for escape, the act of looking at the window took all of a fraction of a second. But it was more than enough time for his enemy, the creature collided with his chest knocking him off balance; it had crossed the room in a heartbeat. The razor-like talons that were her fingernails, dug into his windpipe with a vice-like grip. Her rancid breath made his stomach lurch, as she leaned forward staring into his eyes. The malevolence in those dark eyes was the nearest to pure evil he had ever witnessed. His first instinct was to grab her bony wrists, his airways were blocked and he needed to release her grip. But the strength in those skeletal arms was unnatural, the breath trapped in his lungs felt like molten lava. His vision began to blur and darkness appeared in his peripheral vision, the sound of his heartbeat inside his head was deafening. He was just losing consciousness when he heard it, the hollow sound like a coconut being struck with a hammer. The grip on his throat fell away, but by that stage, the darkness was carrying him away.
The sound of muffled voices woke him from a dreamless sleep, he was in a dimly lit room and the gown he wore told him it was a hospital bed he lay on. The door to the room opened and light flooded in from the hallway, the nurse stood in the doorway, and behind her stood a sour-looking man in a crumpled suit. “Ah! Mr. Ryan, I am glad to see that you are awake; the detective here would like a quick word with you. Only a quick word now mind you, you need to rest up, you have taken quite a beating.” Michael felt the last bit was more as a warning to the cop than for his benefit. The bored-looking cop flashed his badge too briefly for Michael to even get a look at it, and without even introducing himself began to ask questions. Michael stuck to the mantra that he could not remember anything after returning to the hut from his patrol, and the cop seemed disinterested at best. There was no hint that the detective had any clue as to what took place, other than Michael was assaulted and found unconscious by the work crew in the morning. Nothing he asked hinted towards any strangeness taking place, and it was clear to Michael that the cop had no interest in pursuing any particular line of inquiry. In the end, the bored policeman gave his verdict, it was junkies breaking in to steal anything they could find of value, case closed as far as he was concerned.
“A couple of days on intravenous antibiotics and you will be ready to go home. Human fingernails and teeth are breeding grounds for infection”. Was the cheerful verdict of the ward sister, as she poured over his chart? So once again Michael was left alone to contemplate the mystery that was his life, a mystery that was growing darker by the day. The words that creature had uttered concerning his mother, made him believe that something very dark lay in his past. Michael spent the next couple of days pouring over his memories, and the next couple of nights in troubled sleep tormented by dark dreams. By the time he left the hospital, he was determined to find out where he had come from. He was always an outsider so now he wanted to know why, and he knew exactly where he would start his search. The moment he was discharged he headed straight for the orphanage, in the hope that something in his file would point towards his origins.
The building he once thought of as his refuge had fallen into neglect, the fragrance of furnisher polish and wax candles were replaced by the smell of dampness. The lobby area had been emptied of most of the religious effigies, and a small prefabricated office had been set up in the corner. The bored-looking young woman behind the desk was dressed in street clothes, and by the brightly polished nails, he did not think she was a member of any religious order. “Excuse me?” His words came out in a hoarse whisper, whatever the demonic thing had done to his throat; he could now only communicate in whispers. The doctor that had discharged him had the cheerful prognosis that his voice might return in the future. The woman continued to leaf through a magazine ignoring him, he attempted to speak louder with no success, so he tapped with his knuckles on the countertop. The woman closed the magazine and treated him to an angry scowl. As it turned out it was all a waste of time, the orphanage had closed five years earlier and all records had been transferred to someplace she did not know where. She told him that a small section of the building now housed a retirement home for nuns. “The ones waiting to die.” She added with a malicious smirk.
Dejected Michael left the building and followed the high wall of the grounds until he came to a locked wrought iron gate, from here he could see the Chapel where he had spent so much time. Without any records he had no chance whatsoever of learning anything about how he came to be here, it was as if someone had put the lid on his coffin and firmly nailed it down. At that particular moment he felt more of an outsider than he ever had, his past was a blank and he had no future to look forward to. Something came over him and before he realized he had scaled the gate, and was walking across the lawn to the chapel. To his surprise, the door to the chapel swung open on well-oiled hinges, the interior had not changed since he was here last. The brass Votive candle stand even had candles lighting at the side of the altar, the scent of incense and candle wax made him feel nostalgic.
Michael made his way to the seat where he liked to sit and stared up at the image on the stained glass window. It was the image that he had spent most of his time studying as a child. The image depicted Christ casting out demons, and for some reason, it had always garnered his interest. “Michael, is that you Michael?” The voice was so low that for a moment he thought he had imagined it. He turned to find a stooped figure wearing a nun’s habit, staring at him through the gloom. “It is you Michael; I always believed that one day you would come back, you had so many questions that were never answered.” The ancient figure shuffled over to the pew in front of him and sat down, and even when she turned to face him he had no recognition of this old woman. “You will not remember me Michael, but when you came to the orphanage first, I looked after you. It was I that picked your name, when you were just five or six you had so many questions, but alas I did not have the answers for you. I was sent away to another parish and only returned here to wait out my last years. But I have never forgotten the little boy with the raven hair, and I always thought we would meet again.”
Michael did not stop until he was back out on the narrow street beyond the high wall, only then did he turn to look back. The diminutive figure of sister Agnus remained standing where he had left her at the chapel door, the old woman still had no answers for him but she did have a gift. In his pocket he carried the faded envelope she had given him, inside was an unsigned letter, asking after the baby the writer had sent to the orphanage thirty-one years before. It was a woman’s neat handwriting, but it carried neither a signature nor a return address. But at least he now knew that someone had remembered him, even if it was for only a while. However, far more important than the brief note was the faded envelope itself. In the top right-hand corner of that envelope was a postmark. It was faded and barely legible but he would study that postmark until he discovered where it had been posted, perhaps it would be there that he might find answers.